Protecting Self: Do I Hold Back?

I feel constrained in my writing to some extent because family and friends are still alive.  If I shared everything, it would be like opening Pandora's box.  You would not believe it, if I shared all of my life story.  I feel like I have to hold back because for so long I lived with fear.

Typing these words even places fear in my body.  Do I write about the secrets so closely held or perhaps speak in metaphors, which only complicates the matter.  I think to some extent my mental issues exhibited themselves metaphorically because I was afraid.

I was conditioned to not speak about things that were not right.  I don't know now how to talk about them, so I continue to skirt the topic and really am confused about opening up.  There were so many events from the orphanage, to abuse in the hospitals by staff and abuse within my own family because technically, there were no parents.  The kids were in charge; I was the youngest.  I feel afraid to share more about our family because each sibling is struggling with his/her own issues.

I'll write more tomorrow, I need time to figure this part out.  Maybe that is why I write poetry and songs.  I love playing the guitar to release tension.