One of Many

One of Many

There is an illness we try to hide

Locked in generations and hidden by pride

A family is devastated and does not understand 

While older members prefer to pretend

A torture and peril rips through the soul

Leaving emptiness, void of a goal

Still generations live on--

But eyes are opened by one that sees

Inquisitive, troubled victim is she

To explore and understand

To somehow comprehend

What is this illness

That destroys the brain

Leaving sorrow, anger and pain--

Surely there is an answer somewhere

Surely there is a reason for despair

But why does a family continue to retreat 

Behind the walls of facades and defeat 

To rise above and live beyond

This meddlesome, troublesome thorn in the side

This is the goal

A new generation holds--

To conquer, to prevail, to achieve

To be as normal as normal can be 

To live with the illness

But not to succumb

To have open eyes 

To recognize the signs

This is the attitude

Of a new generation

To function, to be--contributors in society--

Mental illness exists; this is true

But survivors are many

Productive souls need not hide

Beneath fallacies, masks and lies

Society shuns the sick and oppressed

Victims strive for success

But a world has its norms

New shoes must be worn

God forbid there be an aberrant--

Hell, I am what I am

And what I am ain't bad

For I am me--a soul with purpose

An individual with a goal

I seek truth

I strive for happiness

And God willing I too will be successful

In a world that demands conformity--

I cannot alter who I am

But I can help people to understand

This illness we too often try to hide

That is locked in by generations and hidden by pride

God willing, I will succeed

For I am an envoy for those who still bleed!

Note:  This resulted from my first hospitalization suffered August 18, 1981. My eighteenth birthday was August 15, 1981.

Madeleine's Autobiography Overview

My printer is now informing me, I need ink.  I have published every one of my blog entries.  I have created a portfolio of all the articles I could find on the internet from the South Lyon Herald. The Fowlerville News and Views, I scanned a portion of the articles, but my editor has the articles in boxes and finding them would be a task. This is a summary only

Most of my articles from the Brighton Argus and Livingston County Press, I have been informed, are on microfilm.  WHMI 93.5 radio only kept the articles on the website for a short time.  I am going to look into securing the articles from the radio station.  I have not had time to do this, yet.

I have one page scanned from the technical manual DSalon when I worked for System Solvers. System Solvers is no longer in business. I am in contact with every single editor I ever worked for, which is a blessing when I am given the all clear to return to work.

I am creating a book from some of my blogs.  The blogs are also separated from songs. I am working on scanning articles from when I lived at St. Vincent Sarah Fisher Home for Children.  I have met a lot of interesting people in my line of work or as a child, but compiling this information in a tidy fashion is quite an undertaking.  I plan on sharing the names and significance of each individual I had the pleasure of meeting in my book.  I met Mr. Kresge, who was one of my greatest influences, which I will explain later.  I interviewed Patti Duke Astin, who is really named Anna.  Astin's grandmother lived in Highland Park, Michigan. More on this later.

I was privileged to meet Bob Lanier of the Pistons as a child.  I met many other great people as a child and adult.  I was a member of the Girl Scouts, as a child, and later served as a troop leader and Girl Scout Service Unit Manager for three years.  I am privileged to be a member of the Ladies Auxiliary of the VFW as my father was a lifelong Disabled American Veteran (DAV)  my mother was a member of the auxiliary as well.

I believe in volunteering as an obligation when able to do so.  I have taught when able and written all my life.  I am currently disabled, but still volunteering and living as best I can to help not only myself, but others as well.  I was a peer advocate between 2002-2005 for Livingston County CMH. I am learning how to avoid burnout.  I hope to one day be able to return to work as a writer and teacher when I have the doctor's clearance.

For the time being, I am enjoying life.

Rebel Man Original

Capo II fret...I have learned using the Capo changes the name of assigned chords

(R)    A      B    F#
    Rebel man I hear

     A                        B      F#
    You're knockin' at my door

      A         B    F#
     Rebel man I hear

      A                        B   F#   
      You're doin' it once more

  G                     Gm
You claim that you've changed

G                                Gm
That you're not at all the same

G                   Gm                       
But how can I know

G                                   Gm
Just what is my guarantee?

G                                   D
How do you state your plea?

(R)

  G                   Gm
You say you're reformed

G                              Gm
But you've faltered in the past

G       Gm
Am I a fool?

G                                   Gm
To believe you can make it last?

G                         D
Substantiate your plea

(R)

G               Gm
God knows I love you

G                Gm
And how I want to believe

G                Gm
Oh reassure me

G                       Gm
Can you make it the straight way?

G                          D
What have you got to say?

(R)

G                 Gm  
You call out my name

G                             Gm
And I realize how you've changed

G                    Gm
For your eyes reveal

A                          Gm
That you're a man who's been healed

A                    D
You've proven it to me

A        B    F#
 Rebel man I hear

A                      B F#
You're knockin' at my door

A      B      F#
Rebel man I hear

A                   B F#
You're knockin at my door

A       B     F#
Rebel man I hear

A                 B       F#
I won't stop you anymore

A                 B       F#
I won't stop you anymore!


I plan to record this song so you can hear the original version.  I still plan to modify based on what has happened in my life.

Creating A Portfolio

When I was foreclosed on in July, 2010, but I did not move from my home until July, 2011 and moved to an apartment where a 38 year old fella allowed me to sublet a room.  I threw out much of my remaining things.  Including awards from Senator Debbie Stabenow, Congressman Mike Rogers, Bill Rodgers, and Representative Cindy Denby.  I also discarded my Michigan Works plaque. Eventually even all the articles I wrote, I threw out.

When I was sixteen, I won an Award for the Voice of Democracy Contest called "My role in America's Future."  I came in second at the local level in Royal Oak and received a framed award from Senator Hoffman and I forget the second person listed.  I also received a $500.00 bond while my parents and I attended a dinner hosted by the VFW post.  I no longer have anything showing this either.

My high school diploma was discarded as well as my Associate Degree from Oakland Community College in Business Administration.  Additionally, I no longer have proof of my Eastern Michigan University B.S. in English, language and literature.  I guess I could re-order all of these.

Of all these things, I pitched, the ones I miss the most are the articles I wrote for many newspapers in Livingston County and the Milford Times.  I am trying to reassemble a portfolio by going on the internet to print some that are on the internet, but most are on microfilm, in boxes or just plain lost.  I am not letting this setback discourage me as I know I can reassemble some of these things, it will just take time.

On July 3, 2011, I did one of my most challenging things and I played a song I wrote to educate our young about WWII and the aftermath.  I received a trophy, $25.00, a t-shirt and my picture in our local Fowlerville News and Views.

That same year, I attended a Poetry Slam and had the honor of meeting Natasha T. Miller.  I cited a couple of my poems there, even though I did not win, I was pleased I had the courage to try.  I plan to do this again.

I am grateful that I have most of my photographs.  I distributed bags of photos to my two kids and my ex-husband while saving some for myself.  All of these things should help in writing my book.  I am enjoying life once again.

Rebel Man 2 progression of song

I wrote this song sometime before I was married.  There definitely was a foreboding of sorts with this song that I chose to ignore because I was in love.  I was twenty-three when I married.  Rebel Man was published to my blog with some changes in, 2015.  I am trying to restore the original song to its exact words and then show you the changes I made recently to the song.  I hope everyone understands, as a writer, one can always re-work a selection.  I am trying to recall the chords I used for this song, but I think that will take time.  Also, I am not sure to date, if there is a way to listen to this song via my blog, but I will be looking at doing some of these things.


(R) Rebel Man I hear you're knock'in at my door

      Rebel Man I hear you're do'in it once more

You claim that you've changed

That you're not at all the same

(R)

But how can I know just what is my guarantee?

How do you state your plea?

(R)

Am I a fool to believe we can make it last?

Substantiate your plea

(R)

Your eyes reveal that you're a man who's been healed

You've proven it to me.

Rebel man I hear your knock'in at my door

Rebel man I hear your do'in it once more

Rebel man I hear I won't stop you anymore

I won't stop you anymore.


3rd Revision Rebel Man

(R) Rebel Man I hear you're knock'in at my door

      Rebel Man I hear you're do'in it once more

You claim that you've changed

That you're not at all the same

(R)

But how can I know just what is my guarantee?

How do you state your plea?

(R)

But how do I know that you're a man in control?

How do I know that you're not gonna blow?

(R)

Your eyes reveal that you're a man whose been healed

Or am I just seeing what I want to be real?

(R)

Am I a fool to believe that things are changed?

That we are not both a little insane?

Rebel man I hear your knock'in at my door

Rebel man I hear your do'in it once more

Rebel man I hear I won't stop you anymore

I won't stop you anymore!

Writing Anew

I have printed out my blog and am categorizing the items according to topics.  I want to merge the beginning of my book into a semblance, which allows me to face my past, without getting lost in what I have already written.  I want the ebb and flow of my emotions to level out so I may be more objective in my writing.  I have ridden the roller coaster so much, that I am now in therapy to help me discover how to slow down and enjoy the scenery in my life.

Charles Dickens wrote about his life by sharing the stories of Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, and others.  Hard Times, by Dickens is a wonderful expose on economies. I plan to reread Dickens again as I find his writing is a wonderful methodology for getting rid of baggage.  So too I plan on re-reading Samuel Clemens, Mark Twain, again as my son and his friends from Fowlerville fit the mold of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. My son and I had a rocky relationship when my ex-husband left.  The two of us had to recover in our own way.  I truly believe a family needs a man in the house because a teenage boy, like mine, was not easy to handle.

I had a wonderful neighbor who was Ojibwe that helped me with my kids when I didn't know what to do.  She painted the most beautiful artwork on a box that she gave to my son of a wolf and the moon. She also did paintings on deer skin.  She wove dream catchers and did many drawings that she gave to the "Livingston Parent Journal," in Fowlerville.  She couldn't make money either because of medicaid and medicare.

That is the sad truth artists are always working, but artists with disabilities have to manage the money carefully.  She had dyslexia like my son and encouraged me to get legal pads for my son because the print shows up better on yellow lined paper.  I would sit side by side with my son as he struggled to write his assignments on the computer.  Cuss words were always a part of his assignment as it took him awhile to get started.  It was something I knew I had to patient with because we would be at the Howell Library and I would let him cuss all he wanted to by typing out the words, but not printing them.  It would take awhile, but he would settle down and begin writing his English assignments that were excellent stories, by the way.

I sometimes taught both my children because the school was so desperate for substitute teachers that the office would tell me just teach your kids, in their classes anyways, so I did.  My daughter had a natural aptitude for school.  My son was bright, but like Huck Finn he loved to play and skip school. He was bright and managed to talk his friend into mowing the lawn, for me and planned on sharing the $20.00 with his friend, while doing none of the work.  I couldn't allow my son to make all the money, when I realized what my son was doing, so I gave his friend all the money.  This incident reminded me of how Tom Sawyer got his friends to paint the fence white, while he reaped the benefits of a lax lifestyle.

I know there were many obstacles in my marriage, but we always stuck together as a family and I was devastated when my marriage fell apart.  More on this at another time.  I am starting writing anew because when my roommate dropped dead, I threw out twenty plus years of writing for the local newspapers.  I also threw out all my awards.  I was simply overwhelmed.  I may write to my friend Cindy Denby who was a local representative, from Handy Township,  and see if I can replace some of these awards.  More on the awards later.

The funny thing is I was either writing about the police or riding in their cars for wellness checks.  I had so many secrets, I was often overwhelmed.  I plan on writing this section for my book.  For the time being; however, I am just glad to be writing again.  I'll have to assemble some of my articles off the internet and take time to acquire them from microfilm at the Howell Library and see if my editor in Fowlerville can help me as well as my friend Jon King at WHMI radio.  I don't know if I want to be an independent contract reporter again or just write my book.  I may do some writing for the Flint Journal, a much bigger paper than I've worked with.  Time will tell.

"Fouled Out"​ an Emmy nominated documentary

Tuesday, February 21, 2017 section B, detroitnews.com John Niyo wrote about Curtis Jones a hero for basketball enthusiasts. Jones was moved along the educational system because of his skill in basketball despite having only, "a second-grade reading aptitude." Jones graduated from Northwestern High School and suffered as a paranoid schizophrenic. He died at age 49 in Northville psychiatric Hospital, reports, Niyo.

My friend and former editor, of the Brighton Argus, Buddy Moorehouse whom I had the privilege of working with as an independent contractor, produced the film "Fouled Out," in an effort to highlight the importance of literacy. Moorehouse spoke in Detroit on literacy.

Organizational Necessity

Today I printed my blog on a Dell Laptop provided by John Moyer of Asahi Kasei Plastics North America and a printer I bought from Wal-Mart for about $40.00.  I am trying to organize my work so I can place the writings in some kind of format with the ultimate goal of writing a book.

Old Man

Old man sittin' in the street
Why you lookin' at me?
Do you know more than I?
Can you see it all through your eyes?

What have you experienced?
What have you seen?
Tell me your story
Share it with me
I have the education...
I have the degree,
But you have the wisdom of life and the knowledge that time only renders.
Won't you share it all?
Won't you share it with me?
Can't you see I need... to know
Please... hear me.

He pauses from his gaze and he looks me straight in the eye.
He tells me Life is beautiful.
Live it day by day.
For in living day by day,
You'll understand all that once you did not...
The branch: that stems to the future.
The road that leads to eternal peace.
And as the flowers of life unfold,
You'll see Heaven spelled in gold.

I turn to thank the Old Man for the wisdom that he has shared,
But he is no longer there
His words; however, become engraved in my mind
Words to be shared with all mankind!