Computer Blues

Technology evolving has already left me in the dark.  Every time I have a breakdown, I have to relearn what seemed so easy for me in the past.  I actually don't remember how to do things and this is frustrating because I am a writer with no money to update my skills or to be educated on what I used to do that I have forgotten.

I am debating about getting a word processing program to be able to assist me, but my computer already has an internal battery problem where it does not hold a charge so I have to leave it plugged in all the time.  I know this means my computer can fail at any time.  I find it difficult to get on the computer because of my frustration.

A Review and Comparison to My Personal Experience with Mental Health and Flowers for Algernon

If anyone has ever read the book Flowers for Algernon, by Daniel Keyes, this story is very real to me because every time I have had a break down, I forget what I have learned in so many areas.   Charlie is a young man who is severely handicapped and cannot beat a mouse through a maze.  When Charlie is given an operation, he is smarter than the mouse and ultimately becomes a genius, but he returns to the severely handicapped intelligence when the operation stops working. Like Charlie, the doctors have to find new medications to help me get back on track.  My mother died with a lack of clarity and there is a very real fear that I will end up like her.  My dad also had mental illness and was on medication like my mother. Ultimately, he died of a brain tumor, a Glioblastoma, one of the most progressive kind of tumors.

I didn't want to forget what I had to say, so I am writing this with revisions after the original was published.

I have a nice Case Manager now and I am hoping to get back to work as a writer. I am not sure when I last edited this work; however, I have returned to work as a writer having most recently been working for https://www.eastvillagemagazine.org and the View Newspaper. I also substitute taught some classes last year and have enrolled to teach again.

I reread, Flowers for Algernon, and being more aware of myself and because my medication is correct, I appreciate how author, Daniel Keyes, refined words in his book so that none of them were spelled correctly initially when Charlie records his progress per the surgeon's request; however, the spelling is legible and what you would really observe with a special needs person.

Today it is more correct to use the terminology, special needs, instead of retarded; however, at the time Keyes authored the book, retarded was the acceptable term. I hope one does not give up on the book because of the terminology, as there are valuable lessons to be gained from the book.

In the book, Charlie continues to write progress reports, and merely by the writing itself, one is able to recognize the vast improvement in Charlie as he even authors work to facilitate an understanding with the doctors. Emotionally, however, Charlie is stunted.

I am not sure how others have been impacted by mental illness, but I can share that there is no doubt I have been emotionally stunted and sometimes especially when the medication is not right, I have struggled to act my age as I am so confused. 

So, what does confusion look like? I was not quite two when I was sent to live at an orphanage, St. Vincent Sarah Fisher Home, yes home, I never did like the name change to center, where I lived for ten years.

 

 

Resilience

If heartache wrote the story, than surely, I've seen my share, but I'm an eternal optimist and still believe in prayer.  It does not mean my faith is intact, only that I still believe that when my life is complete, God will have a better life for me.

I have no complaints in the life I've had thus far, as I am doing far better than many that I know.  I never took the vow of charity and poverty that the Daughters of Charity took who raised me, but it seems this was the path laid before me unless I have sudden success, as I am an Irish girl I laugh beneath my breath for most likely my success will be posthumously if at all.

At least, I enjoy the process of writing and have enjoyed some journalistic notoriety.  The biggest joy; however, remains in the fact that I have been able to reach a few people and teach them the skills they seek, some cannot read or do simple math, others lack confidence and I am able to listen.  I may not don the Habit, but I do try to be charitable.  My personal life strays from the Church, but I am happy.

The Quill

Life offers many opportunities to explore the thoughts and ideas of so many and provides the perfect platform for writing.  I have been blessed with the writer's quill to log not only my own journey, but to explore the arts with the written word.  To learn to navigate the world despite my hardships is the blessing I have been given.

Currently, I am not wealthy, but I hope one day that some will read my writing and find enjoyment in some of what I have written.  My quill sometimes pauses, but I never stop searching my world for thoughts that will entertain the observer at large. Recently, I took a dive off the deep end, but it seems I am now left with fertile ground to reach others who are facing their own struggles.  I get blue, but I try to raise my voice to help others.  Some journeys must be taken alone, but to find the path that Robert Frost alluded to fills my mind with endless possibilities to venture with a new eye.

I have strolled two walks in life and can better understand F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby because of my own experiences.  I refuse to be a second-class citizen in my America.  I want to once again spread my wings and fly, but not having a car poses more difficulties than even I imagined.  I am an uprooted tree, but I will not give in for Maya Angelou states "here root yourself beside me I the Tree planted by the River, which will not be moved." I may be uprooted but the river still flows beneath me while youngsters may cross on my back as the log to the shore.  I have been blessed to have taught and have some of my work published.

My hope for every writer is that writing is always a pleasure and not a chore. Keep the quills moving and never be afraid of rejection.