https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Soa3gO7tL-c Listen to the song, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams, by Green Day, while you read this, you can skip the ad. You need to click the link. My children's hearts were broken, as my daughter, who had been riding in the backseat of my car with her boyfriend, got out of the car, and ran through the house in Howell, MI screaming, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy."
My son seemed to know his dad was gone. We had been separated for about a year. Our divorce was finalized when my ex-husband left without saying goodbye to the children. He had been residing in a foreclosed home in Howell, Michigan. We didn't know it, but he was taking off to Washington state. My son and I were living in our foreclosed home in Fowlerville, Michigan.
My daughter got back in the car and was consoled by her boyfriend. My son was driving out of the driveway when the song by Green Day came on the radio. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He was 15 and held his emotions close to the vest.
In some ways, Fowlerville became the metropolis of heartache for my children and me. Listen to Nickelback, to understand how I was feeling. Someday (1) Someday - YouTube
My life turned into shambles. I had been a writer with Steve Horton of the Fowlerville News and Views. I had also substitute taught in the schools. Fowlerville was my community. I found myself homeless. Livingston County Community Mental Health was going to let me live in a park. My son had been arrested and could not move to the apartment that I was able to sublet with a friend. I was on a waiting list in Livingston County for a year with no call for housing. I needed subsidized housing because of my mental health issues and because I could only work part-time. The apartment I moved into was with a fellow who had a spare room. I contacted management to reside there by making sure I could stay and manage the rent.
I found my ex-husband via Facebook ads that were on his page and my sister-in-law helped to confirm it. Truly our story is a story of love, heartache, disability and the strength to recover, but not without painful moments and the realization that my illness was passed on to my children. I am not a doctor, but my ex seemed to have a disability as well. Havoc was wreaked because I had a hard time realizing meds could make a difference and my ex had an anger problem.
Much of my life was spent in institutions. It began when I was sent to an orphanage because both my parents had mental illness. The nuns, Daughters of Charity, raised me, but it was not easy. I had a temper that I didn't understand, and I later realized as an adult, I had depression as a child that was not treated. I was only two when I went to the orphanage. I had bonded with my grandma and in particular my aunt because from about two weeks to age two I lived with my aunt and grandma. I resided at the orphanage for ten years. My father became a lifelong Veteran of the Disabled American Veterans (DAV). My father remained steadfast and picked up my siblings and most weekends, I was picked up by my aunt. He was able to maintain a sales position at the old J.L. Hudson's Store in downtown, Detroit. There was no such thing as latchkey. Most of my weekends were spent with my aunt and grandma.
As I grew up in the orphanage, I was moved from the baby unit, Bethlehem, to other units or cottages. When I was moved to Nazareth at about age 4 or 5, Sister Margaret Ann used to play the guitar for me. As a child, Sr. Margaret Ann would teach me songs like Puff the Magic Dragon, Puff The Magic Dragon -- Peter, Paul & Mary ~ Live 1965 and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
The nuns became my surrogate moms. So much so, that at eighteen, I thought about becoming a Daughter of Charity. I was not around men much, which would be a problem later in life. I recall on Palm Sunday; Father Tom would ride a donkey on the grounds of the orphanage. One year, Immaculata cottage had a flood and the children guided by Sr. Catherine Mary were removed by riding on the donkey to dry ground.
There was a summer camp, and one occasion Sr. Helen and Sr. Joanne were trying to get in the canoe, but it promptly tipped over and both nuns landed in the lake with their habits blown up like umbrellas around them. Everyone was laughing including the nuns.
Sr. Helen could sew, and she made this tomboy love the summer dress she made for me. I felt so pretty. It had flowers. I was honored to wear the dress with a puckered neckline and spaghetti straps.
When I was about nine, Sr. Catherine Mary asked, "Do you want to take ballet?" I thought she said belly dancing as I repeated it, and the cottage workers and sister laughed. I did take ballet, though when I found out we had to perform in front of an audience, I almost did not dance, but my Aunt Madeline did my hair while my mom also happened to be there. Thank God there were lights, and I could not see the audience. I remember the finale we danced to was, "You're a grand old flag." You're A Grand Old Flag Sing a long version for kids
Later that same year, I asked my dad for cowboy boots. This tomboy was not about to give up on that part of me that loved playing with the boys. I was a rough and tumbling girl. One of the benefits of being at the orphanage was that I had a social worker who was able to reach me and my temper through the token system. I earned a token or plastic colored key for everything I accomplished without getting angry. Initially, at the end of the week I would be given a prize. Ultimately, I learned I was not going to earn a prize, but I would have the tokens to remind me how well I had done with my behavior. Eventually, I never received tokens. One of the prizes I received was a scrapbook where I could draw, write or put whatever I wanted in it.
Perhaps, the nicest presents I received came from Sr. Joanne. She gave me a guitar not for behavior, but because she knew I had a real interest in guitar. It was a Yamaha classical guitar. I treasured the instrument. I learned to play some of the church songs I created a notebook with words to the songs and the chords.
I am still an amateur with the guitar, but I love writing my own songs. My ex-husband gave me a Fender acoustic electric guitar. I enjoy the instrument to this day.
Christmas time was a wonderful holiday season where we children had the opportunity to attend lots of parties. The Blue Pigs, as the police officers called their band, played music for us at one of the biggest events. I was always in love with music. One year, I received a James Taylor guitar book and a folk book.
I was on the news quite often and especially at Christmas time when S.S. Kresge, the owner of the five and dime store, let us shop at his store. He imparted to each of us kids, money to shop in his store. I still have a children's bracelet that one of my boyfriends gave to me from Kresge's later called K-Mart. Ironically, my ex-husband was the nephew of Harry Pete Cunningham, who became the CEO and named the store K-Mart. He and his wife Peg attended my wedding.
I really did have a fairytale wedding as we had the reception in Birmingham, MI. After the reception, I was able to ask Tim, my-ex, if we could go on the carriage ride with a white horse. We toured Birmingham on that Friday night. Ah, but that is getting ahead of the story.
Returning to the orphanage, I recall I was so little and was seven years old, when Miss May who was a maid at the orphanage taught me a few things. She let me hang onto the center pole for the buffer and I stood on the cylinder while she buffed the floors. I felt loved as she smiled. Miss May was black and had pink pigment on her face. It was her natural pigmentation. She told me, "Never mix ammonia and bleach," when you clean the toilets, "it will kill you." Miss May asked, "do you know you are the same age as me," I asked, "how?" as she continued because, "I was born in leap year." Miss May was so brave that despite losing her husband to drowning at Camp Brighton, she carried on and did her work. Camp Brighton was owned by the orphanage.
Seven was a traumatic year for me, because my mom and the social worker were planning on me going home for my birthday, but tragedy struck again. My folks lived in Detroit and Mom took me to the school I would be attending. Unfortunately, my oldest brother, who had moved home the year before was brought back to the orphanage on my birthday because my mom suffered another breakdown. My twin brothers came to my cottage as Sister Margaret Ann wanted to give me a birthday party outdoors. The candles kept blowing out because of the wind. When I learned I was not going home then, my birthday became mixed with my emotions and for a long time, I remembered the day as snowing. My birthday is actually in August.
I remember Mr. Willie and his wife Miss May (not the same May). They were always cheerful and had words of encouragement. Their daughter, Miss June was wonderful to me. She and I would talk. I really hit it off with her.
Please note: If you enjoyed reading this so far, I plan to turn it into a book and possibly a film. Please provide feedback.
