Sunday, May 3, 2015

If I Were A Comedian

I tell you there is so much material available in the real world,  I think I could make it as a stand-up comedian.  Learning to have the confidence, timing, and stage presence is something I definitely would have to master.  President Obama, seems to have a handle on timing.  He comes in soft and low and knows just how to the land the line.

This will be my effort to express the hidden humor.

Let's start with men.  Have you ever noticed how men, the fix-up guys, designated car parts, plumbing parts and other parts with names, such as: female fitting with male end, that sob when the thing won't cooperate, hose bib, c-clamps, sill cocks, ball cocks, plungers, monkey wrenches and any other things that you can think of?

Now what if we were the handy women?  I'm not saying I'm handy, but I do try. Plunging a sink seems to have been my latest challenge.  I was just as good at plunging the water out of the drain as having the sprayed water give me a new hair dew.  I have; however, recently re-discovered hair color. I decided having my hair colored was a better master plan than my God given early gray hair.  At least, I could cover that flaw, while I work on trying to bring the sagging belly back in shape.

When I lived in Fowlerville, Michigan, I had to learn how to handle a tennis racquet, but instead of volleying with balls, it was 2:00 a.m. session with bats.  I waited 22 years for the house to be sealed against bats, but it was a lower rank than my ex-husband's car projects. Have you ever heard the sound of bats in your walls?  Not only do you hear a high pitched noise, you get the added benefit of hearing them scratch on the other side of the wall right when you're trying to sleep. I probably could have volleyed a short time with Venus and Serena Williams with the number of years I spent smacking those damn bats.

I promised I'd share that earlier bat story with you.  The darn bat tenants were not the culprits of my rabies problem.  It was a lone bat, who leaped out of a tree during daylight hours and made a noise, in my right ear.  My ex-husband grabbed a shovel and smacked the bat.  My neighbor saved me from an ugly demise, by informing me that the bat should be taken to the health office, for testing. Sure enough, the bat was positive for rabies, so began my series of shots. Well, I am already certifiable, I didn't need a bat to emphasize the point.

Let's talk about duct tape.  My house was the poster child for duct tape.  Instead of proper borders for the drywall, you guessed it, my bedroom was lined in duct tape.  If duct tape couldn't fix the problem, there wasn't a problem.

When we first moved into the home, there was no operating toilet, and do you think the plumbing was right, of course not, we had our own personal waterfall. Our house could have been the show house for the movie, "The Money Pit."

There were good times at the house, but I am glad the people who purchased our home had the time, money and patience to make it look nice.  I had a new roof put on the place.  We had circuit breakers placed in the home along with a water heater and a porcelain sink, but it takes love to keep a home and that had faded over the years.

Now that I am living in an apartment, I really don't have to do maintenance work; however, I am pleased when I am able to accomplish minor things.

Taking situations and seeing the humor in them may take time, but realizing life isn't so bad is truly important.

My father was the master of humor.  When he attended my brother's wedding, he placed a sign on his walker that said Cadillac Brome, (Brougham), spelling was never his forte.  He enjoyed laughing and so did the people around him. Occasionally, the whiskey was a bit too much, nevertheless, he was a funny man who loved to sing especially when a bit intoxicated.  He would belt out the Irish song "Harrigan."

Mother's laugh was intoxicating.  Most often she was without expression when Dad was up to some antics, but when he got her laughing, the whole O'Connor Clan would be in an uproar.

I'm glad I am able to reflect on life with my own sense of humor, as there is no doubt, it has saved me.  I try to never look back and  accept the person I've become.




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